Crow Winter: A Novel by Karen McBride

Author:Karen McBride [McBride, Karen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781443459679
Google: k328wQEACAAJ
Goodreads: 43883909
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2019-09-16T23:00:00+00:00

13

Alone

I look like shit.

I have been standing in front of the mirror in our bathroom for nearly twenty minutes. The door’s shut even though Mom’s not home. I need the extra buffer between “in here” and “out there.” I’d hate for her to come back and hear my pathetic sobbing. Still, if she does, with the door shut there’s no invitation to come and try to fix me. What would I tell her if she asked me what was wrong? That I know what Dad did because I went back into his memories with a magic crow? Mm-hmm, that’ll go over well.

My eyelashes are dewy and sticking together like spider legs. My eyes are red, puffy. Grief. Ragged on my face. There’s a throbbing pressure behind my forehead that has me pushing it into lines. Not only do I look sad, I look angry too. Completely ridiculous. Wish I could get that Iron Eyes Cody single-tear-down-my-cheek look. But no. Real tears from real pain don’t look pretty. Snot-filled, gasping breaths, wailing—that’s grief.

I touch the red stain on the back of my shirt. Guess today was a bad day to wear white. The fabric is torn from where Nanabush sunk his talons into me. If I ever doubted he was real, now I have my proof. Eight bloody marks on my right shoulder. But I’m lucky I got away with just that. It could have been worse. I assume. Nanabush disappeared before I could pull the broken pieces of myself back together. I didn’t get to ask him. Next time we find each other, it’ll be the first thing I say.

Slowly and carefully, I peel the shirt off my body, let it crumple to the floor. Exhaling, I gather my dark hair to one side and reach for the bottle of clear liquid. The alcohol burns when it hits my skin and I wince. The disinfectant makes the puncture marks along my collarbone and on the back of my shoulder bleed again for a moment. The red stands out against my beige skin. I watch it trickle along me before wiping it away. I have no idea how to bandage this, so I settle on cut gauze and medical tape. It holds, so it’ll do for now.

My phone chimes the second I step out of the bathroom. It’s Mom saying she’s gone into town to grab a few things and she’ll be home later with dinner. Chinese food, my favourite. Me and a lot of people here. I don’t know what it is, but Indians love small-town Chinese food. Give us a buffet with some properly crispy egg rolls and we’re happy.

This is good news. I have time to get myself together. Get my story straight. Hide this bandage. Hide the hurt on my face and in my heart. I want to ask Mom about the quarry. Ask her if she knew what Dad had been planning all along, but I know she’ll cry and then so will I, and nothing will get done.

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